Sunday, February 13, 2011

Divorce Lawyers Are Saying What?

Okay, this one really tripped me out. I was watching my local news station and this piece on the dire warnings of divorce lawyers popped up. I think it was CBS syndicated—maybe  not. I was honestly too busy listening to the intro to figure that out.

Divorce lawyers warn couples that social networking sites are destroying marriages.

Well, in the first place, why would a divorce lawyer want to warn anyone? Think about that. Divorce is their business. Shouldn’t they be well wishers of trouble brewing? LOL Something just rang terribly off with this little story.

Anyway, it’s that season of the year where everybody and his brother are talking about love—and why this piece got into the news is beyond me because it didn’t really give anyone much hope if you ask me. But I listened, and basically, these divorce lawyers said that more and more of their cases are a result of one spouse taking off with someone they met on a social networking site—Facebook was specifically mentioned. 

They even did this anonymous interview with a husband whose wife had left him—had him in shadows so you couldn’t ID him. It seems, according to the hubby and the lawyers, that a lot of spouses are hooking up with someone they once knew and rekindling their relationship from high school or college. The hubby in shadows even recommended that you snoop around on the computer to see what your spouse is up to. The attorneys advised against this because you COULD be breaking the law unless you’ve been given access to your spouse’s email and social networking accounts. Hmmm…what happened to the law saying married couples were considered as one? Seems to me that when you get married, all bets are off where privacy is concerned. I could be wrong, though. lol

The attorneys suggest that spouses should exchange login and password info. Not a bad idea if you’re in love with your spouse and you share everything. But then what is stopping you from getting an account that you don’t allow your spouse the info to? I kind of think that anyone who is going to cheat is just going to do it and you’ll be the last to know.

Now they also talked about meeting perfect strangers online and chucking it all to go and be with them. Doesn’t sound quite real, does it? Or smart. I know someone who did just that. Left her husband of seventeen years and four children—ages five to sixteen—to go all the way across the country for this guy. When she got there? Turns out he wasn’t rich like he pretended to be and those online mood swings of his were just like I kept telling her—alcohol or drug induced, and in his case, BOTH. And here is the real kicker. He was living with a woman and brought this friend of mine right on into the house and introduced her. The woman moved out after a week of watching them sleep together and my friend stayed with him for about a year before she went back home.

My friend and I don’t talk much anymore. I had a hard time with what she did. Leaving your hubby is one thing, but leaving your kids? No. Not something I could condone at all. Not even for love.

So what’s your take on all this? Do you have someone from your past you’re flirting with online? Do you suspect your hubby might be doing this? Is there such a thing as “harmless” flirting online?  

Here’s the blurb to my new contemporary novella, Twelve Days of Love. I honestly believe my hero and heroine are the forever kind of couple and Facebook could never tear them apart.

Eden Riley left her high school geek days far behind. Or so she thought. But when she returns to her hometown and comes face to face with the local heartthrob, sparks ignite like a chemistry set on crack. Super-smooth Nick Lancaster sets her nerves jangling and thrusts her libido into overdrive. But can the former geeky girl overcome her insecurities and jump his sexy bones?

Nothing suits former jock and debate-team star Nick more than sparring with the one-time nerd. He’s just itching to get up close and personal with her high-velocity curves and tangle with her on the nearest horizontal surface.

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, all bets are off when Cupid draws back his bow and Nick has only twelve days to convince Eden she belongs with him, in his heart and in his bed.

To read a full excerpt click HERE. 
To purchase a copy click HERE. 


Virginia said...

Well I don't have anyone for my past that I flirt with on line and I don't think hubby does either. I don't think a little flirting hurts any thing but who knows.


Tess MacKall said...

Hiya Virginia. I think as long as your relationship is solid and your spouse is okay with it, then there is no harm. Heck, flirting is good for you if it is indeed harmless. But if your spouse isn't as accepting of it, then it's not a good thing.

And then there is this: If you find that you desperately crave that flirting, then you probably need to step back and figure out what that's about.

Elie said...

I believe this. These sites can cause jealousy that could flair into something more serious.

Elizabeth Black said...

Tess, everything in your post is true. There's a case now of a guy who nailed his wife having an affair by using her password to get into her email. He's under fire for invasion of privacy - even though he learned she WAS cheating on him. Men and women apparently cheat these days about equally and social networking sites are part of how they do it.

I run into LOTS of guys who friend me on Facebook because I post in erotica areas and sex writing areas in my usual goofy/sexy manner. Those guys then go to my Facebook profile and see I'm an erotica/erotic romance/sex writer. Then they see my profile picture. Then they friend me. THEN they try to cyber. I don't get huffy with them or anything but I tell them I'm unavailable because I'm married. I do chat them up -and tell them about my books. Here's the kicker - I've made a few sales!! LOL So flirting does has its uses. I've told my husband about all of this and he gets a major kick out of it.

Elizabeth Black said...

By the way, before I forget, today is Mistress Day - the day before Valentine's Day when married men wine and dine their mistresses. The next day they tend to their wives.

I'm such a cynic. :)

Tess MacKall said...

I wasn't surprised this was going on, Elie as much as I was that it seemed to be going on so much that it rated a news story.

And I was passing the TV the other day and one of those online dating sites claimed that one out of five relationships now begin online.

I heard from a friend the other day that her cousin's husband had gone online with one of these dating sites and found a woman--not telling them he was single--but the woman he found didn't seem to mind and he left his wife.

It's almost like on demand relationships now. But like you, I think it's very easy to have simple flirting turn into something else. Only someone in a good solid relationship can really withstand the temptation. But if you're in a good solid relationship...why the flirting?

Tess MacKall said...

Yep, Lizzie, I heard about that case. It seems that it's just too easy to actually work at a relationship these days. It's much easier to simply dispose of the one you've got, the one you've made a mess of, and get another one.

And you're right about men contacting erotic romance writers online. They see those words and think WOW. Got news for them. lol The grass is no greener on my side of the hill. He'd still have to take out the doggone garbage. lol

Tess MacKall said...

Well, heck. I'm not even a mistress. Let alone a wife. lol And with everything I keep hearing and reading about LOVE and matrimony, maybe I just dodged a bullet.

doxymom said...

I'm sure this happens a lot.

Me? I can't even imagine going back to someone I broke up with and I didn't have any male friends I'd want to see again.

LuAnn said...

Online flirting is no different than face to face. It's still disrespectful to the spouse.

reading_frenzy at yahoo dot com

Tess MacKall said...

I'm with you, Doxymom, I left those people behind for a reason. LOL I sure don't want to hook up with them again.

Tess MacKall said...

I'm inclined to agree with you LuAnn. Sure flirting is supposed to be harmless, but if you're happy where you are and in love, why should you? It's just asking for trouble, isn't it?

Chicks of Characterization said...

I think if you are having an emotional relationship with someone other than your spouse then NO, I don't think its OK. And I agree with you- leaving a spouse is one thing, but kids, NO WAY!!!

Loved the blurb! Thanks so much for sharing!


Tess MacKall said...

Hello Andrea! And I think you've hit the nail on the head. The defining point in all of this. If the flirting goes beyond flirting and you form an emotional attachment then it's just plain wrong.

I'm so glad you agree with me about leaving the kids too. I just couldn't see my friend the same way anymore.

So glad you enjoyed the blurb.

Nina Pierce said...

I never understood how people could become involved with one another online...until I started hanging out on Yahoo loops and visiting blogs...of other authors. I have developed some amazing friendships with people I've never met fact-to-face. So I do get it.

That being said, I think it's just sad when people go looking for green grass when a little fertilizer and some TLC may just save the lawn at home. I think people are too quick to leave a relationship without working on the one they have. And I don't care if it's on the internet or at the office. Sometimes jumping into another relationship is different, but with the same problems.

Great post.

heavy hedonist said...

I know a couple going through some trouble because of this issue-- only, it wasn't really happening-- but you can't convince the "injured" party of that. Text messages can be damaging if taken out of context.
As for flirting, I think that there are many types-- light harmless flirting, and disrespectful, real searching flirtation. I respect my spouse enough to know that he deserves to be seen and acknowledged as attractive by others than just myself. It doesn't take anything away from me.

Tess MacKall said...

I get exactly what you're saying, Nina. We can get pretty attached to people online. I have definitely found some of the most amazing friends ever online.

And that in itself tells us just how real and meaningful some of these online "flirting" relationships can turn into more.

I'm with you, work that garden you've got sitting in your own backyard. Just because it's old, doesn't mean you can't spruce it up and make it exciting again.

Tess MacKall said...

"It isn't real" is the excuse given by a lot of people who get caught online, HH. But being online as much as I am and knowing how much I've learned to care for my fellow authors and so many readers, I know differently.

You have a great attitude about flirting and your husband. Sounds like you're in a great relationship. Good for you.

Cindy L said...

Oh my hubby and I actually busted our friend's wife cheating on FB. We were able to see the guys page that she was cheating with and he dropped some clues that led to her. Really sad too, because our friend has a child with her.


Jean P said...

I can't imagine leaving your children behind. I don't know how anyone could do that. I don't think there is anybody from my past I would want to flirt with online *L*

skpetal at hotmail dot com

Tess MacKall said...

Wow, Cindy. That's pretty amazing. And very sad that a child is involved in all of this. My friend just up and left hers. I can't have sympathy for that. I hope your friend's marriage works out for him, though.

Tess MacKall said...

I'm with you, Jean. No one from my past I need to flirt with. They would have to change so much that I wouldn't recognize them. lol

And I don't think any of us can imagine leaving your children behind to take off with someone. But I know it happened for a fact, and I've heard tell of it happening in real life too.