Goddess Fish Party Pavilion

Anatomy of the Orgasm

Awhile back, I was a Passion Party consultant which is sort of like selling Mary Kay or Tupper Ware but more fun. Though I didn’t make any real money to speak of, I had a great time slinging dildos. Truth be told the main reason I wasn’t financially successful was in large part because I gave away vibrators like they were candy.

 Women would approach me asking advice and invariably someone would come forward saying things like, “I have been married 20 years and I have five children. I don’t know what the big deal is about this orgasm thing you talk about.”

After a deep cleansing breath, I shook my head clear, handed them a vibrator bullet and sent them on their way. I did sell a lot of product this way but I gave away the bulk of my profit.

Because I found myself being a sounding board for so many Passion Party customers, I felt the need to do some research on the female orgasm so I could give accurate advice and information.

First and most important, NO TWO WOMEN ARE THE SAME. What brings one woman to orgasm, may not work for others. Some women love receiving oral sex while others don’t. Some women achieve an orgasm with intercourse alone and some don’t at all. Some women love anal sex while some simply do not.

This is not cut and dry. I started to feel bad for men. Every time they take a woman to bed, it’s a different way of playing the game. It’s no wonder they often get it wrong and leave the woman hanging. As my husband said to me not that long ago, “Every time we have sex, I have to learn a new playbook. You have it easy” he said. “What I like last week I still like this week, whereas you don’t necessarily.” (We have been married for 12 years.)

So let’s talk about what’s going on down there. According to several major surveys, only 25 percent of women always climax during sex with a partner. The rest of us are either hit or miss. A whopping 90 percent of men get their rocks off 100 percent of the time.

You are probably throwing your hands up in the air right about now. Don’t worry, I have good news. The clitoris’ sole purpose is for pleasure. GET TO KNOW YOUR CLITORIS!!!

 Here's what scientists know that can help the average girl hit her peak more often.

That warm, fuzzy, sexy rush you feel during foreplay is the result of blood heading straight to your vagina and clitoris. The walls of the vagina start to secrete beads of lubrication that eventually get bigger and flow together.

As you become more turned on, blood continues to flood the pelvic area, breathing speeds up, heart rate increases, nipples become erect, and the lower part of the vagina narrows in order to grip the penis while the upper part expands to give it someplace to go. If all goes well (i.e., your mother doesn’t call, your kids don’t walk in, and your partner knows what he's doing), an incredible amount of nerve and muscle tension builds up in the genitals, pelvis, buttocks, and thighs, and your body involuntarily releases it all at once in a series of intensely pleasurable waves, aka your orgasm.

The big bang is the moment when the uterus, vagina, and anus contract simultaneously at 0.8-second intervals. A small orgasm may consist of three to five contractions, a biggie about 10 to 15.

Many women report feeling different kinds of orgasms, clitoral, vaginal, and many combinations of the two. According to Beverly Whipple, Ph.D., coauthor of The G-Spot and Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality, the reason may simply be that different parts of the vagina were stimulated more than others and so have more tension to release.

Muscles in other parts of the body may contract involuntarily, hence the clenched toes and goofy faces. As for the brain, a recent small-scale study at the Netherlands' University of Groningen found that areas involving fear and emotion are deactivated during orgasm (not so if you fake it).

After the peak of pleasure, the body usually slides into a state of satisfied relaxation, but not always. Like men, we can experience pelvic heaviness and aching if we don’t reach orgasm. Many women complain that a single orgasm isn't enough to relieve the buildup of sexual tension.

So, what goes wrong on those nights when the bell doesn’t get rung? Most likely, we are not getting enough continuous clitoral stimulation. We’ll get close to the big one and your partner picks up on it but either he orgasms immediately or changes what he’s doing. (Sucks right?) If you get on top this might help because you control the angle and speed of the thrusts. Try a back-and-forth motion so that your clitoris rubs against your partner's abdomen. It allows for the most constant clitoral stimulation.

Another solution is to find a position that mimics how you masturbate. (Let your fingers do the walking, if you know what I mean.) By watching you, he'll get a better sense of the stimulation you need.

Body image is another problem that can trip women up. A woman can become too concerned with her appearance to actually enjoy herself. If you are concerned about what your butt looks like or what parts of your body are jiggling, you will not come! Remember you are not a porn star so  don’t hold that as a standard. Let the erotic sensations register in your mind. Focus, breathe, and let go. It may seem counterintuitive but you need to relax to get there.

The best preparation for a big orgasm is probably a long, steamy shower, full-body massages by and for your man and 10 minutes of steady oral sex if you can get it, or some combination.

It's not so much your body that needs the R&R, it’s your mind. You need a transition period between dealing with the stress of everyday life, and feeling frisky. A few minutes of foreplay usually isn't enough.

The most fascinating orgasmic side effect of all happens in the brain. During the big O, the hypothalamus releases extra oxytocin into your system. Called the "cuddle hormone”, oxytocin has been correlated with the urge to bond, be affectionate, and protect (new moms are drunk on the stuff).

Since an increase in oxytocin has been shown to strengthen the uterine contractions that transport sperm to the egg, there is some evidence that the big O can conceivably help with conception.

 It's even been hypothesized that having an orgasm and releasing that tide of oxytocin is a woman's subconscious way of approving of her partner as a potential dad.

The latest news is that this cuddle hormone might also be linked to our ability to trust. In a recent study at the University of Zurich, scientists asked 178 male college students to play an investment game with a partner they'd never met. Half of the students used an oxytocin nasal spray (not yet available in the United States) beforehand. The other half used a placebo. Those with the spray containing oxytocin were more than twice as likely to feel comfortable giving all of their money to their anonymous (but legitimate) partner. If oxytocin can help women feel more at ease about letting go and intensify orgasmic contractions, we might all want a bottle of the stuff stashed in our bedside drawers someday soon.

Take what you have read here and take what you need or want and leave the rest. If you have, any comments or questions please feel free to contact me.

Happy nights all ;0)

Heidi Lynn Anderson

www.heidilynnanderson.com