There are as many euphemisms for it as there are opinions on the subject. Mowing the lawn. Landscaping. Removing the carpet and putting down hardwood floors. Whatever you call it, personal grooming has never been less personal.
Honestly, it seems like everyone is talking about it these days. I remember being a teenager watching television with my older brother, and wishing the floor would open up and swallow me when a tampon or feminine pad commercial came on. Nothing much has changed in that respect. I still want to get my hands on the remote when those commercials come on, but at least now, the men have reason to squirm too. Women are finally getting their payback with the erectile dysfunction cures.
I particularly enjoy the commercial where the macho cowboy type is on his way home, horse trailer in tow. He uses the horses to pull his truck out of some muck, then continues on his way. Yeah, this guy is a problem solver, just like the product they’re hawking. The guy arrives home, all the windows in his house are aglow, he smiles, and we know he’s solved that other problem – and now he’s going to get some. At least I understand this one, I’m still trying to figure out the one with the man and woman holding hands while they sit in separate bathtubs watching the sunset. Maybe they’re waiting for the sun to rise?? *grins*
Advertisements for female grooming are less subtle. Take this razor commercial for instance – A series of women walk or run past plants (bushes, if you will). As these women pass by, the shapeless (wild, if you will) plants, morph into topiaries that are reminiscent of well-groomed female genitalia. Who among you find this as ridiculous as I do? This has to be the work of men. Only men would think to use actually bushes to represent – well, bushes. Women wouldn’t think it necessary to hit us over the head with the obvious pruning capabilities of their newest hedge clippers. Women know how to mow the lawn. We can edge the sidewalk and prune the bushes just fine, thank you very much.
It’s always a challenge to decide what kind of landscaping a character will go for. It’s a matter of personal style, and as we all know, that stems from our individual personalities. In the first book in my Lothario Series, THE LUST BOAT, Candace goes in for a little floor waxing. Here’s an excerpt:
Candace blushed. She wasn’t used to sharing confidences with other women, but Fallon knew more about her than her gynecologist did, she reasoned. “Fine. Except I want to seduce him and I don’t know how. I just left the erotic dance class. I’m afraid I don’t have the coordination to try half of what the instructor showed us.”
“Hmmm.” Fallon took her by the elbow and steered her away. “You haven’t made love yet?”
“Uhm, no, not really. We’ve been, uhm, close, but not that close, if you know what I mean.”
“I think I do. You want to seduce Ryan so he’ll make love to you?”
“Uhm hmm. He’s been so wonderful, making sure I have all the pleasure. I want to return the favor, but I don’t have a clue how to go about it.”
“I think I can help you with that. Come on, let’s get you to the spa. We’ll go shopping when you’re done there.”
A few minutes later, Candace bit her lower lip and gripped the sides of the table as the technician yanked the wax strip off. Step one of Fallon’s plan included a complete wax job on her pussy, followed by the application of a crystal tattoo.
“Which is it going to be,” the technician asked, “the heart or the starburst?”
“I like the heart.” Candace said.
Fallon looked up from her magazine. “Why don’t you put his initials inside the heart?”
“That would be cute. He’d surely get the message.”
“I can do that. What are his initials?” the girl asked as she sorted out the crystals she would need.
“Just put an R,” Candace said. No way was she going to admit she didn’t know Ryan’s last name. What would Fallon think of her if she knew she planned on seducing, and making love, to a man she didn’t know well enough to know his last name?
“R it is.” The girl tapped her finger on Candace’s tender skin. “How about right here, a little off center? I can make the initial sort of wispy, if you want.”
Candace studied the drawing the girl scribbled on a note pad. “I like it.” She lay back while the girl drew the same design on her skin in a connect-the-dots manner, each dot representing one crystal. Fallon helped take her mind off the girl gluing tiny glass dots on her mound by planning the rest of Ryan’s seduction.
“We’ll get you something scandalous at the gift shop, and we’ll arrange for dinner to be served in your room.” She named off a menu of finger food items, things easy for lovers to feed each other. “Do you think you can get Ryan to come to your room?”
“I think so. I’ll ask him to escort me to dinner, and when he arrives I’ll tell him dinner is served.”
Fallon clapped her hands and laughed. “This is so much fun! I haven’t done anything this exciting in years.”
“Thanks for helping me. I really appreciate it. When the dancing thing fell through, I didn’t think I would be able to pull it off.”
“There, all done.”
Candace sat up on her elbows and looked at her new body art in the hand held mirror. It did look cute, all sparkly, and feminine.
“I love it and I’m sure Ryan will too.”
To groom or not to groom…that is the question. Here’s a tidbit from LOVE ME TWICE, the third book in the Lothario Series, where Celeste has chosen a style more in keeping with her personality.
Drew moved away from the railing and dropped into a chair. Cold wire mesh bit into his bare ass beneath the short wrap. Crew comfort wasn’t a high priority, obviously. He considered going to the passenger decks where the comfortable deck chairs lived, but that would mean seeing people, possibly the two people he was determined to avoid for the next eleven hours and nine minutes. Not that he was counting.
He raised his arm to run his hand through his hair, but a sharp twinge in his shoulder brought him up short. Images came to mind—Bree’s hands wrapped around his forearms, hanging on as he drove into her. Her head thrown back as she absorbed him into her body. The thatch of fire-red curls between her legs. The first time he’d seen her naked, those curls had been the equivalent of a red flag in a bullring. He could appreciate a neatly trimmed mound, but the wild, natural look Bree sported, turned him into an animal.
Shit. What was he doing thinking of her again? And wanting her? He’d had her twice, and she’d been two different women each time. Soft and compliant the first time. Wild, and out of control tonight. If he had her again, would she morph yet again?
He rubbed the sore spot on his shoulder. This couldn’t happen again, no matter what his cock had to say about it.
Women are not helpless, or dumb. If we want hardwood floors, we’ll darn well take up the carpet on our own. And, if we need some power tools to get the job done, we’re perfectly capable of figuring out which ones to use.
What do you think about the Personal Grooming Dilemma? I'd love to hear your take on the subject!
Roz Lee is the author of the popular Lothario Series from Red Sage Publishing. The third book in the series, LOVE ME TWICE, is available now.
Find out more about Roz and her naughty cruise ship on her website,
